With the start of school, and all the little ones going off for the first time to kindergarden, I started thinking and remembering. I sent my three off, with 3 different sets of feelings...some traumatic, some cheerful, with pride and sadness. Most seemed dependant on how many children I had.
I also thought about how funny it is, with the first child, we cannot wait for them to walk and talk, and get older, and with each one, or so it seems to me, we wish they would progress more slowly and even stay small forever. Some I think, is protective...to keep them young and away from pain (except an occasional fall or spanking), to keep that "joie de vivre " and innocence. Yet, some I think also, is knowing all the work and worry that come after the first crawl, and step, and climb....the questions that go on forever, after that first word. And yet, once it is all over....and they start to grow, you wish for all those things to happen again, because you miss it.
I so miss a baby to hold, sometimes, with that special smell of baby powder and warmth; a toddler to watch try everything the world has to offer, with a newness we can never get back....catching that first snowflake on their tongue...wishing on the first falling star...catching their first lightening bug....drawing their first picture....tossing their first ball and the joy and pride on their face the first time they catch it.
I have also, enjoyed the first date, the first prom, the first drive...so many interesting stages of life. Watching your first grandchild be born (if you are lucky), bonding with them in a different way than your child...telling them stories of when their parent was young. I know there is much I don't miss...and I know you all know the kinds of things I mean (diapers, 2 am feedings, colick, etc).
It just seems ironic that as we get older, we miss all the things we used to take for granted or wish away. How often we wished they would just be quiet for a little bit, or not get up so early; we wished the day was over, so we could go to bed. How many days at work, that I wished were over. Oh, for all that time we wished away in our youth...it would be nice to have some of it back. Now time passes so quickly, there seems to be so little left to do all that we haven't done.
I ache sometimes when I look at Bubba and see all the firsts he will never have, and all those he has missed. Though even without them, he is still happy, and does not know what he has missed. Part of that, is his lack of time sense...to him it is always today....there is no yesterday to regret, and no tomorrow to stress over; he lives totally in the present. I also think part of it, is the love he has, that surrounds him.
Perhaps there is a lesson in there somewhere...to cherish all that we have, while we have it, to let life get in the way a bit less, and let love get in the way more?
Remember that song, about time in a bottle? I wish I had that bottle.
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