Another heart problem...

I really have become frustrated about finding time to do these blogs. I need to find a way to find the time to sit down every day and talk. We finally have a caregiver again for my son, which is such a blessing. But real life is still interfering with everything I try to do.

Bob suffered congestive heart failure in Salt Lake City, Utah on Dec. 11th. They are still not sure what will happen. They ran tests, and sent the results to his dr. here. We are to meet with a surgeon on Jan. 22nd...then we will find out what they plan to do...and how much it might affect our lives. We have had so many prayers and so much support from friends and family; I am so thankful for that...and for having him still here. At the moment he is stable enough to drive, so he is doing that even tho' I am scared to death. Trying not to show it, because it upsets Bubba when we are upset.

I have been so very fortunate to have shared my life with this man!! This poem is rather long...but it says alot...about not only my life before, but now.

KALEIDOSCOPE

Kaleidoscope of memory,
shifting before my eyes,
changing the patterns of the past,
time dances across the years.

And tho' the pieces of my life,
change focus and their shape,
throughout each frame of reference
a lonely girl appears;

she waits amid it, all alone,
she longs for life to end,
sure that she'll find no joy on earth,
but only hate and fear.

Her soul counts on heaven's bounty,
believes that in a place
so filled with overflowing love,
there'll be no room for tears.

She's looking for her share of peace,
and waiting for the arms
of the shepherd to enfold her,
to living grace she steers;

her heart thirsts after safety
and hungers for release,
an end to pain and suffering,
a stop of constant jeers.

Cries echo through the loneliness,
sobs hide in every hurt;
she cringes--terror evident,
as each tormentor nears.

She knows that this is all there is,
that she deserves the worst,
a punishment for sins unknown,
a judgement from her peers.

Hidden silent in the background,
an angel watches her,
and he guards her from destruction,
while quietly he cheers,

for the truth is fast approaching,
the plan is reaching time;
the child is unaware of it,
no hint has reached her ears.

But her pleas go not unanswered,
her grief is not unseen,
her constancy is recognized,
her trusting soul endears;

the growth of spirit, heart, and soul,
tho' slow have taken hold;
the seeds of love and happiness,
were watered by her tears.

As the finest steel is tempered
by time spent in the fire,
and wine's bouquet is brought to life,
by the passage of years;

her patience tho' sorely tested
gained strength from all her past,
her heart thru' every hard-fought trial,
comes further from her fears.

For out of darkness comes the dawn,
from discord comes new life,
upon once bleak horizons, now
a second chance appears;

no longer child, but woman grown:
in place of dread, a smile
who's glow becomes a guide so that
the fog of doubt now clears.

Out of the mist of their own pain,
two travelers draw to light,
tho' weary from the path they've come
their way, to her way, nears;

from sorrows and lonely valleys
they come, both man and boy,
to the search for quiet refuge,
the silent man adheres;

tho' tempted by the gleam of love,
too long alone they've been,
to let the hope of change arise,
and so, hope disappears.

Yet, angels watch, with guiding hands,
and that which is ordained,
shall come to pass, shall come to be,
God's will now engineers;

the joining of three lives to one,
the merging of their hearts,
tho' separated from the start,
become concentric spheres.

As Eve was made for Adam's life,
and Ruth to Boaz clung;
as Rachel watched as Jacob toiled
to win her heart with years;

Sarah and Abraham had hope,
and Isaac sought Rebecca,
so, too, these ones were meant to be
a solace for their tears;

the whys and how's of past don't count
except for what was taught,
the present and the future now,
will mean the end of fears.

So as I watch, time coalesce,
and glimpse behind the scenes,
I see that life has just begun,
as heaven slowly nears;

I rejoice with all the angels,
and vow to do my best,
as I have been blessed with new love,
and offered new frontiers.


~susan