Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Endings and beginnings....

Since I last posted, my dad went back into the hospital. They have been doing tests all week, and had one more to do today.

We got the results of the test, and it was not good. There is nothing to fix. His heart muscle is just old and tired.

They are sending him home for now, and are going to insist on totally assisted living. This is going to break their hearts, because they were so certain that if they were in a tiny apartment, with all meals provided, that they could take care of each other.

I know it is just a pride thing, but they were both so active and independent, that this is not going to be easy...for them, or for us to watch.
Basically, since neither is steady on their feet anymore, and won't be...it is either walkers, wheel chairs, or scooters for both.

They are both still in denial at the moment. I am trying to work up enough 'upbeat' to call, since I know they do not need to know how worried or upset I am.

The doctor is going to tell them, rather than the family, because he is the only one they might believe. They have been conditioned this way...authority figures count, and the doctor knows best.

The dietician fussed at Dad and told him flat out, no more fast food...no matter what it was. No more eating out, period! So my brother has to find someone to cook for them, because neither of them is really able any more...and also because dad would cheat...lol.

I know many others have been thru' this, and I have been blessed to have had them both as long as I have; I also know I am selfish to want them to 'live forever', but I suppose that just makes me human. I think, for me anyway, that it has been the hardest thing in the world to progress into a role reversal where I am the adult, and no longer can be the child. No matter how old I have gotten I still want my mom or dad when I am hurt, sick or sad...stupidly I thought you outgrew that.

With my son's wedding coming up this weekend, and then hopefully a trip to help out with my parents, I may not be able to post for awhile. I hope you understand.

I apologize for using the same post for each blog, but I truly am not up to writing two; again I ask for your understanding.

In closing...I am posting two winter paintings, since it is so hot everwhere...maybe it will help cool us off. Both are 8x10 on paper.

And also the one I am currently struggling with...it is by Karoly Brocky...and I have loved it for years. 16x16 on canvas

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